Quentyn Quinn, Space Ranger — 5 Comments

  1. Umm, have you played any of the 40k ship-oriented games? Ten kilometers is ridiculously short-ranged for 40k space ships; they regularly fight battles across the better part of a star system.

    And that’s leaving aside the fact that the ships themselves are usually multiple-kilometer long flying space cathedrals. I mean, hell, you’d be hard pressed even one 40k battleship in that space – they’re 5.6 kilometers long and about two tall, so you’d be running out of room pretty quick.

    I mean, I realise that this is a parody, but come on! If you’re going to make fun of them, go after the silly stuff, rather than just making shit up to make them look stupid.

  2. The Empiyah used to have multiple-kilometer long ships. Alas, they had to quit using them after their first 10k long battleship stepped on the gas and consumed its entire fuel supply in thirty seconds trying to break orbit. Then there were other problems, such as crew being killed in the turbolifts by the acceleration necessary to get them from crew quarters to battle stations in time for the actual battle, entire sections of the superstructure declaring themselves independent nations, and the marines turning to cannibalism when the wagon trains failed to arrive from the canteen in a timely fashion with food and medicine. The naturally forming weather patterns in the corridors were a nuisance, though the annual migration of the swallows from one end of the ship to the other was quite picturesque… further attempts to correct these engineering problems was finally ended when the ship was mistakenly oriented nose downward towards the planet it was orbiting and the difference in tidal forces between the bow and the stern twisted it in half like a breadstick.

    The tens of thousands of dead space marines burning up in atmospheric reentry did make a rather pretty fireworks display for the planet below, though, so they had that going for them.

    Moral of the story: WH40K is fricking stupid to begin with, and deserves mocking with maximum cruelty. So EVERYTHING is fair game.

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